I was standing at the tee, waiting for my group to show, and noticed a golfer had one of the hugest putters I’ve ever seen. So I walked up to him and said “Sir, is that a putter or a plate?”
“Are you making fun of me?” he sounded hurt, “You know Seve Ballesteros won the Masters two years ago with this putter. Well, this model.” (please don’t fact check, point is he defended his putter.)
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s a great putter.” Did he really want me to put him at ease? I walked away not wanting to hurt this guy’s delicate feelings. I then overheard him talking to his wife.
“That was a low blow.” he told her.
“Oh, he was just trying to be funny.” she knew my intentions.
Maybe it was the hangover hindering my humor but most golfers like these kind of jokes; men out on the course are crude and poking fun is, well, great fun. So insults done cautiously are the best.
“Caddie, which way does this putt break?”
“That depends sir. Are you going to push it or pull it?”
So my group eventually teed off and it was a memorable round if only for one hole. We got to the 17th, a 180 yard par three with the worst false-front on the entire course. I love this hole, so funny. Players land short and chip up but not far enough. Back comes the ball, usually farther then where they started. Sometimes this happens three, four times. Ha!
There was one guy in the group who was new to the game. He miss clubbed himself all day long; not surprising, most people think they hit the ball farther than they actually do. I tell people to take more club but then I get a good player and they knock it over the green. But this player had a six iron, no way he could carry that 180 yards. I hand him the 5 wood. That’ll get you there.
The other golfers tee off and all miss the green. So now it’s the newbie’s turn. The alpha golfer saw the same game from the newbie I’ve seen all day long. Alpha golfer doesn’t have any faith. “If you can hit the green, I’ll walk up to the green with my pants off.” Ha, wouldn’t that be funny?
So the newbie steps up, does his four or five practice swings, and hits the ball. This is his best one of the day, low but straight. The ball lands about 120 yards from the green and keeps on rolling, up the false front and stops pin-high, about 7 feet from the cup. We couldn’t believe it!
So Alpha golfer, being a man of his word, starts walking. He takes off his pants and walks, 180 yards, in his underwear, up to the green. Wow, we didn’t stop laughing until the end of the 18th.
